Numbers, numbers and more numbers

Ok, here is my two cents worth on how many kids to have and why. Big touchy subject I know but read allong and maybe it won't be as bad as you think. I have friends and or relatives that have many variations on family size from no children (DINKS) to one child up to 10+. Here is what I think about those numbers.
The first child is the biggest culture shock. You go from being a happy couple to a crazy threesome. Sociologist say that triads don't work and I agree. It isn't fair for anyone, the husband, wife or the lonely child. I could make a bunch of observations on this but I think it is pretty obvious. Being an only child isn't all that it is cracked up to be and for you parents... If you screw up an only child it is tough to hide. There is no one to blame but you. You are the sole source of entertainment for that child and wow is that an exhausting task, especially when they are younger.
The second child lightens up the load a bit unless you have a boy and a girl. The picture perfect family eh? I don't think so. Having a boy and a girl is just like having 2 only children and it is a ton of work. Especially since they rarely have much in common for long. I grew up in that situation and it was no pic-nic for me or my parents.
The third is the toughest for you parents... You are finally outnumbered and it is really tricky. Now you have a triad just amonst the kids so someone is pretty much guaranteed to be left out. I do not recommend having 3 kids. The bright spot in having 3 is that you finally get to pair someone up. Somebody gets a playmate. What is the cure for 3? That is easy! Have a fourth. lol Seriously, I couldn't believe how much easier 4 was than 3, 2 or 1. Two diads. Wonderful! And just the math of it is so much easier. You pair two of them up. If they fight you switch up the pairs and if they still fight, you have another way to pair them up differently. A family of 6 fits into most vehicles easily. By the time you have the 4th the 1st one is old enough to help out with the new baby. It is wonderful. As hard as it was having 3 children I was pretty nervous about having the fourth. I couldn't believe it when things actually got easier! 4 became my magic number. Maybe that is why we have 8 now? I don't think so but still. It is a valid point if you think about it. After 4 it is all down hill from there until you get to 7. Once you hit 7 things get tricky again. Finding a vehicle to fit everyone becomes a challenge. Vacations are tougher because you outnumber beds in normal hotels and flying on airplanes can be frustrating. Oh well, it is all worth it in the end. Oh wait, I haven't made it to the end yet so that is still TBD. I have a lot more on numbers but this should give you a little bit to chew on for now. The floor is open to you for questions so please, fire away. DD

How I met my wife

Sorry Honey. I know you have heard this story hundreds of times but I love it and love to tell it.
In the summer between 5th and 6th grade my family went on vacation to Long Lake, Alpena MI. We would stay at a place called Bethel Village. It was a glorified lakeside campground with a dozen or so postage-stamp sized cabins. The cabins slept 2 uncomfortably but were usually packed with families ranging from one kid up to 10 kids. I loved it. There was one tennis court, one basketball hoop, shuffle board (what's the point?) tetherball (also pointless) and a sweet raft! We had canoes, a pontoon boat, two docks to fish off, a playground, firepit and more kids that I can count. It was perfect. I was out in a canoe fishing for walleye with my dad when I pointed to a girl on the beach. "Dad, see that girl in the pink bathing suit?" "Yes" he replied, "That is Dick Wrubles' daughter isn't it?" "Yes" I said, "Someday I am going to marry her." I said with total confidence and innocent faith. To which he replied, "That is great Mike, just don't tell your mother."
For years I didn't understand why he said that until it dawned on me. My mom was her 6th grade teacher that year. My mom really liked her too. If I would have let the cat out of the bag earlier to her it may have upset the harmony in the universe or at least in our little Christian school.
Mary and I dated off and on throughout high school. Never in 6th through 8th grade. I didn't exist back then. It took going to a big, all-boys, Catholic, sports "power-house of a high school to get me noticed. But, whatever, it worked. If you ask me we were more off than on in high school and if you ask her we were more on than off. I was too intense. Hmm, has anything changed?
Over a decade and 8 kids later, my dad and I were right. I did marry that girl and no I did not tell my mother. Dad was smart. I was patient and Mary finally had a weak moment and said yes.

Passion

I have spent a lot of time thinking about passion lately. I think passion gets a bad rap. It is so important to be passionate. Passion is contagious. I am passionate about a lot of things expecially faith, family and philosophy. Isn't it more fun to talk to someone about anything when they are passionate? When they care? What are you passionate about and why?
I get all excited when I get to talk about my children. I get even more excited when I talk about how my wife and I met and the direction of our relationship. It is easy to get passionate about the big things in life but what about the little things?
Passion: the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger.
So many of us live day to day as hampsters on the wheel. Why not savor the moments? Especially the ones at home. I like to sit back and watch the riot as it occurs around me in my house. This week my wife and children are out of state visiting family. I miss the activity. It is amazing watching the youngest of my children as the hustle around the house totally engrossed in whatever has caught their fancy. It is incredible how focused they can get on the simplest of tasks. Why not me? I am trying to dive into simple tasks with the same passion that they have. It is so much fun to get lost in the littlest activities.
I have an expression my friends know I use called "Zoo Mode" When I am out with my kids at the park, playground or anywhere else appropriate, I jump into "Zoo Mode" It is where I act just like them. It is so much fun and totally refreshing. I run around and play and it usually drives other parents crazy. TOUGH! Remember the point of being outside with your children is to enjoy what they want to do. Run, jump. roll around on the ground, swing on the swings, take the slide. It is awesome and your kids will remember it and love you for it. We always say, "I was a kid once too!" So here is your chance to prove it. Put the laptop away, turn off your cell phone and go for it. You may just burn some calories off while you are at it. Dads, play with your kids. They need it almost as much as you do. Play with passion, not to win. Dive into the role of being their playmate. Forget the mortgage, job and other responsibilities for a few minutes. We all know they aren't going anywhere but your kids are. They are going to grow up faster than you can imagine. Life races by if you aren't careful so embrace passion. It is awesome and will change your perception of nearly everything.

Camping and Roadtrips

Ok. First and foremost I must apologize for going a week without posting. I will try not to let it happen again. Now on to my latest random rant.

Camping and family road trips are a must for family communication and unity. Usually they are like exercise... Darn had to get motivated for but wow do you feel great afterward. We didn't do much camping as a family when I was growing up. We did, however, go on the most amazing road trips. I have awesome memories of feeding buffalo in Colorado, seeing a bear in Michigan, a moose in Maine and a bobcat in Florida (on a golf course of all places).
Many of the trips we took were with another family. Never the same family twice. Hmm, I wonder if that was intentional or just coincidence? I don't know, but I can tell you that we were much closer as a family and much closer to the families that we went on the trips with, after the trip concluded. Today, people tend to go on vacations to be entertained and set records for the amount of money spent. Why go into debt to take a vacation that finds you more tired when you return than when you left? Dumb but all to common. My dad was the master at coming home from work on Friday and announcing "Pack your bags, we're going on a road trip!" It was awesome. Most of our trips were pretty well planned out if my mom had anything to do with it but a few I remember were spontaneous.
I remember driving our conversion van out to Colorado. We went with another young family and stayed in a ski resort in the middle of the summer. It was very cheap and almost totally vacant. We had the pool to ourselves and were able to ride the chairlifts up the mountain for wonderful hikes. Let me tell you, it is much more enjoyable to hike when it is ALL downhill! Can you imagine taking a vacation without your cell phone, laptop, TV/DVDs, video games, MP3 players or anything else electronic? It is amazing to actually have someones undivided attention and at the same time, give them your undivided attention. For days on end! You really learn a lot about the people you are with.
Camping is an awesome art that has been perverted over the years. Sorry Coleman but you aren't helping. There is something really beautiful in roughing it. Hiking out into the middle of nowhere with your closest love ones helps everyone involved embrace honest vulnerability. When you strip away the makeup, fancy name-brand clothes and other creature comforts (read as distractions) of home you will find it it becomes wonderful fodder for openness. Try it. It is hard but oh so rewarding. Pitch a tent. Sleep wedged in between parents and siblings. Dig a fire pit. Find rocks to line it with. Scavenge for firewood. Start a fire without matches or a lighter. Look up at the stars. Breathe fresh night air. Bathe in a frigid river. When you return from a trip like that, you will have such a feeling of accomplishment.
I remember sleeping out in Pictured Rocks, Michigan in the U.P. with kids from my youth group in junior high school. I don't remember listening to the radio in the van on the way up there. Yes, the drive up felt like an eternity but it gave me several hours to talk with the other boys. How many kids today actually get to talk with their friends offline, without text messaging or the use of a cell phone? You learn to read peoples body language from looking at them! Imagine that! Try it with your kids. It is unbelievable.
I think I will write posts on each of my road trips starting when I first got my drivers license. Comment back if you think reading those stories would be interesting. Also, feel free to ask general questions and I will do my best to answer them (if I know the answer).

Location, Location & Location

I spent the first 10 years or so of my life in the country. For most people this would be a dream come true. We lived in a beautiful, white brick colonial house with 6 huge pilars in front. It was on an acre and 3/4 with an all-sports lake out back. The lake was stocked with large mouth bass. It was nearly picture perfect. Most of my "city-folk" cousins thought I had it made in the shade, and in some ways I did. My dad traded 10 acres further out in the country for the lake lot. Eventually he saved up enough to build a house and years later finnished the house by adding a 2 car garage. He was pretty frugal and smart. He and my mom worked hard to build their dream house and it was exactly that... A dream house.
10 years later that dream house became more of a burdon than a blessing. We wanted to move to Ann Arbor to be closer to church, school and friends. The market in the early 1980s was pretty bad. They had a lot of trouble selling the house.
I learned a lot from living in that house. I learned about the beauty of multi-generation families. I learned about the joys of pet ownership. I learned how to water ski, snow ski, ice skate and drive a snow mobile. I learned it takes 2 days and 2 people to mow an acre and 3/4. I also learned it is easier to mow a hill sideways rather than up and down. One of the most important things that I learned from living there is a realtor's favorite expression. Location, Location, Location. Why is that important? Well, I challenge you to think about the neighborhood you grew up in. Who were your friends and neighbors? What did you do for fun?
When I was 10 I moved to a "real" neighborhood. It wasn't a dream house at first. Eventually it was bigger and better than the lake house. Oh yea, and it took all of an hour to mow the lawn.
I believe that going to birthday parties after school is important. Playing little league sports is important. Having pride in your neighborhood, town, state and country is important and you shouldn't miss out on anyone of those four. I still remember the address and phone number out at our house on the lake. I have fond memories but I did wish that I lived in a traditional neighborhood. There is a huge difference.
There is a simple beauty in watching life as it happens around you: seeing people age, taking care of the elderly lady down the street (We called her Grandma West). We would shovel her driveway, mow her lawn, check in on her often and in return we were rewarded with hot cookies and a sense of community. Remember that? A sense of community? (I will talk more about that in future posts.) I have memories of watching families grow. Children leaving home for the service, college or to start their own families. The circle of life was always close to home with people passing on and others having babies or adopting and everyone in the neighborhood was involved. Some were pall bearers, others made meals for the families concerned and a couple of the families would share the use of their huge, flat yard to put up the big tent for someones wedding reception. I miss those days of the "old neighborhood" and darn-it-all I'm bringing it back!